Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and

Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and This is an important book for pastors to read Not an easy read The first 2 3 of the book describes family systems and how they work These chapters are essential to understanding the emotional systems in a congregation and in a pastors family the last 1 3 Friedman helps clergy see how differentiation of self from the congregation is essential being both separate but connected neither withdrawn nor enmeshed fused It explains why a lot of church conflict isn t really about the pastor and This is an important book for pastors to read Not an easy read The first 2 3 of the book describes family systems and how they work These chapters are essential to understanding the emotional systems in a congregation and in a pastors family the last 1 3 Friedman helps clergy see how differentiation of self from the congregation is essential being both separate but connected neither withdrawn nor enmeshed fused It explains why a lot of church conflict isn t really about the pastor and how through detriangling a pastor can lead his church to greater health in their personal lives their homes and their family of origin Read slowly and carefully The author is a Jewish Rabbi so some of the illustrations may be difficult for Christian leaders Such a helpful book Assigned to me for one of my counseling classes Still processing all that I have read and still have to write a response paper Each person is from a family system that greatly impacts and shapes that person, hence family systems approach to counseling or therapy. This was a really good book, which I discovered when Rich Bledsoe recommended it in a lecture I m very glad I picked it up The book is on family process counseling, which refuses to treat humans as isolated individuals like most other counseling practices Rather, family process views you as part of a family system or dynamic, interwoven with the relationship you have with parents, siblings, grandparents, husband, wife, children, etc.The books strong point is on evaluating problem people He a This was a really good book, which I discovered when Rich Bledsoe recommended it in a lecture I m very glad I picked it up The book is on family process counseling, which refuses to treat humans as isolated individuals like most other counseling practices Rather, family process views you as part of a family system or dynamic, interwoven with the relationship you have with parents, siblings, grandparents, husband, wife, children, etc.The books strong point is on evaluating problem people He argues that most of the time the person who gets sent to the counseller has been determined to be the problem in the family Friedman believes otherwise, arguing that most of the time the person who is acting out is actually caught up in a bigger problem in the relationship dynamic In fact, he argues that the problem person is most likely caught in a triangulation with other people in the relationship and that the other people in the dynamic are unconsciously scapegoating the problem person Take a husband and wife Suddenly the husband starts to drink a lot, and the wife begins to nag and nag because she is worried about the problems the drinking will create, and the husband drinksandFriedman says this is a triangulation between the husband, the drinking and the wife The stress the wife feels becomes a sort of atonement for the husband theshe nags thehe feels alleviated from the guilt of the drinking, and keeps him from having to face his own problem The problem isn t with the wife, it s with the drinking So Friedman suggests a process of de triangulation, where the wife gets out from between the husband and the problem, which forces him to face his problem and change In other words, the wife stops letting the husband put the stress of his drinking on her, meaning that now the stress must flow to where it ought to be flowing anyway, onto himself Then, feeling the stress, he must actually deal with the problem.It is a very interesting book, and other chapters in the book describe the family process system He develops a way of talking to people about it and gives examples of real counseling sessions he s had that give the theory a concrete standing Later chapters discuss how family process actually impacts physical health, and how people caught in triangulation can actually develop physical problems but when they manage to de triangulate themselves, the problems vanish I will definitely be readingabout family process in the future Lots of content but not much on the practicality There were many examples but not much given on how to work with this ideaeffectively. This book contains many helpful insights It is also contains content that is racist, sexist, and homophobic. One of the most important, in the short list of books that changed my life It s that good This is one of those classic books that sort of has to sit on clergy folks shelves whether you re really a fan of it or not, but fortunately I m a fan Friedman takes the family systems theory developed by Bowen and applies it to the complicated life of spiritual leaders, and he takes great pains to emphasize that it s any spiritual leader I m not sure I would totally agree with that because of how diverse some congregations are, but the core concept of person leading a faith body usually f This is one of those classic books that sort of has to sit on clergy folks shelves whether you re really a fan of it or not, but fortunately I m a fan Friedman takes the family systems theory developed by Bowen and applies it to the complicated life of spiritual leaders, and he takes great pains to emphasize that it s any spiritual leader I m not sure I would totally agree with that because of how diverse some congregations are, but the core concept of person leading a faith body usually found in the Abrahamic traditions, i.e imams, rabbis, and pastors holds The main concept is that faith leaders have three interlocking spheres triangles that affect each other professional as in our denomination tradition oversees, professional as in our congregation, and personal as in our families of origin and by marriage Friedman uses cases studies and theory explanations to examine just how those three lean on and distort each other, and how we can effectively learn to lead in healthy ways.The main problem with this beyond the cut and dried nature of a lot of Friedman s case studies, which is just a product of that kind of writing is that it is absolutely lodged in its time The cases are pretty sexist, the understanding of family is very mom dad kids, and the expectations are extremely dated The theory underneath, however, is sound The points Friedman is making still hold up extremely well how to leave and enter a new congregation come immediately to mind and I will absolutely continue referencing this throughout my career You do have to look past the language itself, though A text for CPE this is a re read, as I encountered this book in my Ministry of Pastoral Care class a must read for any pastor that does counseling from the publisher This acclaimed, influential work applies the concepts of systemic family therapy to the emotional life of congregations Edwin H Friedman shows how the same understanding of family process that can aid clergy in their pastoral role also has important ramifications for negotiating congregational dynamics and functioning as A text for CPE this is a re read, as I encountered this book in my Ministry of Pastoral Care class a must read for any pastor that does counseling from the publisher This acclaimed, influential work applies the concepts of systemic family therapy to the emotional life of congregations Edwin H Friedman shows how the same understanding of family process that can aid clergy in their pastoral role also has important ramifications for negotiating congregational dynamics and functioning as an effective leader Clergy from diverse denominations, as well as family therapists and counselors, have found that this book directly addresses the dilemmas and crises they encounter daily It is widely used as a text in courses on family systems and pastoral care This book alongside Friedman s A Failure of Nerve are must reads for any pastor or organization leader Common grace on fire from this Rabbi Insert identity in Christ for differentiation and you have the keys to the kingdom Will put this on my annual re read list. This acclaimed, influential work applies the concepts of systemic family therapy to the emotional life of congregations Edwin H Friedman shows how the same understanding of family process that can aid clergy in their pastoral role also has important ramifications for negotiating congregational dynamics and functioning as an effective leader Clergy from diverse denominations, as well as family therapists and counselors, have found that this book directly addresses the dilemmas and crises they encounter daily It is widely used as a text in courses on pastoral care, leadership, and family systems

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